Agoraphobia and the Holidays

via Daily Prompt: Anticipation

We all know it’s that time of year, time for lots of friends and family get togethers.  The parties, the gifts, and the food.  Seems like a lot in the span of one and half months.

The only problem with this is the anticipation can be so great that panic can set in.  At least it does for me.  I have Agoraphobia and the thought of doing these things terrify me. I can with the help of my medication but sometimes even that’s not enough to suppress that overwhelming feeling.  The worst part is knowing it’s coming, you sit and anticipate every hour, every minute, and every second until it’s time to go.  Unfortuneately by that time, I’m doomed.  I am much better at spur of the minute plans.  I simply don’t have time to think about them.

For those of you that don’t know what Agoraphobia is, it’s the fear of leaving your safe zone, the fear of going out.  So now you can understand my predicament. Maybe someday I will get back to normal, just not yet.  Mine was triggered after I had a hysterectomy.  I never had this before so I’m not sure what happened.

Anyways, I will sit back and continue to anticipate the coming up holidays and hopefully get through them one day at a time.

The Elicit Truth

via Daily Prompt: Elicit

The elicit truth you say

No matter how

Bring it forth today

And take a bow

For the truth shall set you free

Each and every time

All of eternity

Unlike the mime

You shall forever have peace

In your mind and soul

It shall never decease

So make it your goal

Honesty my friend

Is what it’s all about

It will last to the end

There is no doubt

Community Generousity

So this church came to my apartments to help with thanksgiving dinner, Suzanne White Roberts, the boys and I walked over to the community center, there was singing and it was a really cool little set up. I got a 16lb turkey, stuffing, corn, green beans, mashed potatoes and a red velvet cake mix with butter cream icing. Also, they did a raffle and I won a $15 gift card to Frischs. Feeling pretty blessed today. I think the boys and I may be going to church in the morning. 🙂

What a great thing communities do for their own. I was there to witness the testimony of God, grace, and humanity.

I have never been a part of something like this before. It was wonderful to see people go out of their way, that don’t have to, to make sure others have a wonderful holiday. Just seeing this makes my Thanksgiving more meaningful.  I am so thankful for these kind people for seeing that people in need have a wonderful dinner.

The young lady that shared this story to social media is a recovering addict.  I have seen her go from deaths door to tears of graciousness in a record amount of time.  She may not be rich in monetary means but she is rich with the blessings God has in store for her.  She has turned her life around, got custody of her two beautiful boys back and works a full time job.  She doesn’t own a car, when need be she will walk those boys to daycare,(where she has to cut through the woods on a trail due to location and no sidewalks), so she can catch a bus to get to work.  If that isn’t determination, I don’t know what is. I am proud to call her my daughter. So to see people come and give her hope is something I am truly thankful for.

I know we would like to believe that poverty in our great nation doesn’t exist, but it does.  Please keep this in mind, if there is anything you can do for anyone, please do.  You will be truly rewarded in ways you can’t imagine.

Start the Day

via Daily Prompt: Percolate

coffee-156158_640

 

 The percolating awakens me

I open up my eyes

I can barely see

But to my feet I rise

As the smell fills the air

It makes the day seem bright

For there’s coffee somewhere

To make the day all right

Is it the smell or taste

As I scramble across the floor

But there’s no time to waste

I must get out the door

I’m on my way

Coffee to go

To start my day

Time to make some dough

I let myself go

I let myself gobathroom-scale-1149264__340

I found an old picture today.  What happened to me?  Where did I lose myself? How did I become everything I said I wouldn’t?

I couldn’t help but to keep going back and looking at it again and again.  Why?  Did I think it would help my self-image any better?  Well it didn’t.  Instead it made me sick.  It proved to me that I was right about myself all along.

It proved that I don’t have what it takes to love me.  I don’t have the willpower it takes to change.  Do I have so little regard for myself that I totally gave up years ago and become something even I can’t fathom?

As I look into the mirror at what I have let evolve, how can anyone possibly love me when I couldn’t myself? Who in their right mind would find someone like me attractive?  How does my husband really feel?  After all, I hear remarks he makes about heavy people he passes.  Yet he stands on his defense that it’s all good.  I don’t believe him.

What do my children think of me?  My family?  Am I an embarrassment to them as I am to myself? I would like to think not but one can never be sure.  They are going to love you no matter what because they don’t want to hurt you.  The reality is however, I am hurting them.

God I pray with every ounce of my being that you give me the will to love myself and to change what I have done.

 

 

 

 

Overwhelmed

Life can be really hard sometimes, never knowing which way to turn. So many things going on at the same time. You gotta do this and that, and it just never seems to end.  Why can’t things be simple?  Why do other people feel the need to bombard you with their lives and problems? Like you don’t have enough of your own to deal with. 

It’s funny because when you are young, everything seemed so easy. I’m sure that’s because your parents were to busy being overwhelmed. Then again, life seemed simpler back then. Things have changed a lot over the years. Life is so fast paced and nobody stops to breathe.  

Wouldn’t it be nice if people showed some respect? Now days, that just doesn’t happen. They don’t care about you or what’s happening in your life, as long as you are doing for them. There is no such thing as inconvenience either. To hell with what you got going on, you aren’t important. Their needs are far more greater.  I mean, come on now, can’t you just stop your life?  Afterall, your life is meaningless compared to theirs. 

You know what? All those “needy” people who can’t seem to get how important you are, the ones overwhelming you, seem to forget……they need YOU! Funny huh? They take you for granted and use you up like a roll of toilet paper. They never stop to realize without you, they are lost. Where would they be without you? 

It’s really ashame the way people treat each other. I can only hope and pray that they find themselves before they get overwhelmed by someone else. But karma has a way of coming back. Then and only then, will they see the light. 

The Fire

via Daily Prompt: Flames

Did you ever just sit and stare at a fire? The intense heat and reddish yellow hues it emits create something warm but yet mysterious.  It’s actually hypnotizing. You just seem to stare into those flames as they ravage whatever is in their path. Like a lion eating its prey.

How can something that is suppose to keep you warm or heat your meal be so cruel?  So intense that you wished for salvation. So ravishing and uncontrollable at times.

 I suppose it’s like everything else in life, it has good and bad qualities. As long as it’s contained and controlled properly it’s good but if it gets out of control its an exhausting battle. 

 

 

Decisions

via Daily Prompt: Or

Hilary OR Trump

Right OR Wrong

This OR That

East OR West

North OR South

Everyday we are asked to make choice.  Nobody ever knows for sure if some of the decisions are right or not.  But we must ask ourselves, “Do I feel good about my choice?” If you have no qualms about your decision then it was definitely the right one for you.

Choices can be hard sometimes but we must remember that we have to make the decision on whether it is right for us.  Not someone else.  If you feel good about it only for it to turn out wrong, then so what.  You did what you thought was best and that my friend is what is important.

 

Things I find Irksome

frustration-1583655_640Things that bother me most
Are things like burnt toast
And peanut butter without jelly
to fill my belly

Teens that are rude
Or even crude
Kids that don’t mind
Who need a swat on the behind

Clean laundry all over the floor
Makes me refuse to do more
Dirty dishes all over the house
Enough to attract a mouse

People that turn you into a spy
Cause all they know how to do is lie
They turn you into a sleuth
Just to find the truth

I could go on and on you see
of things that irk me
But you probably don’t have all day
To hear what I have to say

 

 

 

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/irksome/”>Irksome</a&gt;