I let myself go

I let myself gobathroom-scale-1149264__340

I found an old picture today.  What happened to me?  Where did I lose myself? How did I become everything I said I wouldn’t?

I couldn’t help but to keep going back and looking at it again and again.  Why?  Did I think it would help my self-image any better?  Well it didn’t.  Instead it made me sick.  It proved to me that I was right about myself all along.

It proved that I don’t have what it takes to love me.  I don’t have the willpower it takes to change.  Do I have so little regard for myself that I totally gave up years ago and become something even I can’t fathom?

As I look into the mirror at what I have let evolve, how can anyone possibly love me when I couldn’t myself? Who in their right mind would find someone like me attractive?  How does my husband really feel?  After all, I hear remarks he makes about heavy people he passes.  Yet he stands on his defense that it’s all good.  I don’t believe him.

What do my children think of me?  My family?  Am I an embarrassment to them as I am to myself? I would like to think not but one can never be sure.  They are going to love you no matter what because they don’t want to hurt you.  The reality is however, I am hurting them.

God I pray with every ounce of my being that you give me the will to love myself and to change what I have done.

 

 

 

 

In Memory of

 

There’s nothing like the loss of a pet.  Unless you are an animal lover, you probably don’t understand the grief.  Some people wonder how you could be so upset cause after all it’s just an animal. So NOT true.

Many adopt their fur babies when they are very young. They bring them home, feed, cuddle, and train them. They are just like children. They steal your heart. There is nothing you wouldn’t do for them.

I, myself, know all to well the grief. The pain of losing a pet. In my many years as a pet owner, there is nothing like feeling that loss. The heartbreak can be so unbearable.  All you can do is try to remember all the love you gave and all the love you got back.  There’s nothing like the love they give in return. That’s when you know you’ve done something right.

There’s the memories of tail wagging and kisses when they see you after you’ve been gone. How about the snuggling on a cool night? The purrs of contentment? The kneading of safety? Most of all, how they comforted you as much as you did them. Always keep those fur babies in your memories. Never let the heartbreak stop you from sharing that same love with another pet.

R.I.P. Miss Genevieve.  (pictured) You will never be forgotten as long as I live. You were gentle, kind, and protective. 💖