I let myself go

I let myself gobathroom-scale-1149264__340

I found an old picture today.  What happened to me?  Where did I lose myself? How did I become everything I said I wouldn’t?

I couldn’t help but to keep going back and looking at it again and again.  Why?  Did I think it would help my self-image any better?  Well it didn’t.  Instead it made me sick.  It proved to me that I was right about myself all along.

It proved that I don’t have what it takes to love me.  I don’t have the willpower it takes to change.  Do I have so little regard for myself that I totally gave up years ago and become something even I can’t fathom?

As I look into the mirror at what I have let evolve, how can anyone possibly love me when I couldn’t myself? Who in their right mind would find someone like me attractive?  How does my husband really feel?  After all, I hear remarks he makes about heavy people he passes.  Yet he stands on his defense that it’s all good.  I don’t believe him.

What do my children think of me?  My family?  Am I an embarrassment to them as I am to myself? I would like to think not but one can never be sure.  They are going to love you no matter what because they don’t want to hurt you.  The reality is however, I am hurting them.

God I pray with every ounce of my being that you give me the will to love myself and to change what I have done.

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “I let myself go

  1. Hey Suzanne, I found your blog on blogger as I am researching blogging and I have found it very inspiring, I think you are very brave and I send you love and wish you all the best. Be proud of yourself and you will change back into the person you want to be, you have it in you 🙂 Emma

    Like

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