I can’t explain this feeling I have. It’s a feeling of helplessness and worthlessness, like there’s no hope left for tomorrow. My world sometimes just crumbles around me and I can’t stop it.
I pray for God to help me stop this out of control spiral my mind has taken on. I want him to save me from drowning in my own overwhelming thoughts. Like a hurricane hitting the shore and wiping away all that you worked hard to build. BAM! In an instant, all good is gone.
My tears want to come but my mind says “Don’t you dare!”. You just keep containing them because you can’t show your weakness anymore. Don’t you dare tell anyone how you are feeling. They will never understand the depth and severity of your emotions.
When will this end? How long do I have to walk around with a fake smile and pretend everything is good? Knowing all the while, I’m like a ticking time bomb. Ready to explode!
If you have ever felt this way, then you truly understand. You know that until that certain something happens that makes you snap out of it, there’s nothing you can do. You simply hope for a change, a savior, or a miracle. You just want anything to stop this whirlwind of mental terror that you can’t control.
Unfortunately, it’s exhausting. It totally sucks everthing out of you. Your energy, enthusiasm, and quality of life are just not what they should or could be. I can only hope that one day my life will be as it should….peaceful.