If there is one thing I can actually elaborate on, it’s panic. Being diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder, along with Agoraphobia, is no fun. The combination is merely a disaster. For those of you who don’t know what Agoraphobia is, it’s the fear of leaving one’s safe place. Meaning, to venture out somewhere unknown is traumatic.
I was diagnosed with these conditions after having a hysterectomy. The hormone changes caused a chemical imbalance and led to the most awful chain of events. I have always known a little fear but not like this. This is something that is so indescribable. It is the worse feeling in the world. You never know from day to day if you are going to be able to go the store, the doctors, or your child’s school events. It’s frustrating to say the least.
I remember when it first began after surgery. The intense fear. Fear so real that I could not understand what was happening. Hyperventilating, sweating, and tears were being released from my body and there was nothing I could do. My body would literally be sick. My mind would race a hundred miles an hour. What in the world was happening. I could not even walk out the front door.
Needless to say, after trials of medications to get this fixed, I have found a fit. Unfortunately, I will probably be on them the rest of my life. It has caused severe depression, anxiety, and of course panic in everyday life. Traveling, going shopping, and any event really has become an issue. I, however, am strong. I am learning to cope with the meds and trying to conquer these fears. I am hoping someday to overcome this madness and return to life as I once knew it.
It’s been six years now. I am able to go more places and learn to cope a little better in public. Maybe, just maybe, I am finally getting some life back.